Welcome to Ask Dr. Peroxide - the column dedicated to helping others sort out their blonde questions, problems and issues. Alright, time to dive into this week’s email.

Question:

Dear Dr. Peroxide,

It’s been said that you have between 7 and 14 blonde girlfriends, is this true? I wish I could be as PIMP as you! How do you manage all of them?

-Phil

Response:

Hi Phil,

Yes, you heard correctly. At the moment, I have 13 blonde girlfriends as this seems to be the ideal number for me. Now, if you want to be as “PIMP” as me if you have to start off small - don’t try to jump into having a whole batch of girlfriends right away. It’s not as easy as it seems. Sure you could have like 41 darkhead girlfriends and that wouldn’t be too hard to obtain. With the blondes however, you gotta play it right.

The problem you will encounter is time sharing. How will you divide your time up equally between all blondes without leaving any feeling ignored? I would suggest you start with two or three and start working your way up until you reach your first goal which should be seven. Seven girlfriends is an ideal number because with seven days in the week, you can divide the time equally between them, giving them each a day of the week. Of course, seeing one of your girlfriends once a week is more than enough in my opinion, so it works out well. You should rank your girlfriends and give your favorites the ‘prime’ days such as Saturday or Sunday.

A while ago, I thought I was capped at seven girlfriends; however, a good friend of mine made a suggestion about dividing the days between AM and PM. Brilliant! Now you can have upwards of 14 girlfriends which each getting half a day of your time. I was cruising along with 14 blonde girlfriends at one point but I decided to cut back on one. I needed half a day to spend to relax with the hommies, ya know.

Well, hope this helps you on your blondventure.

Till next time homie,

Dr. Peroxide.

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