Well, well, you can’t call me Doc Holiday anymore because I’m back and better than ever! Did y’all miss me? Of course you did! How could you not miss the Doctor of Peroxide and my ever-popular column? This clearly is the only reason you visit this website

Anyways, now that we’ve covered the formalities, lets dive into the email bag and select this week’s question.

Question:

DOC HELP - I’M SO SAD! I was at the salon getting my hair done and I told the hairdresser just to take like an inch off for the split ends and he CUT LIKE 5 INCHES OFF!!!! PLEASE can you tell me how I can make my hair grow faster? I hate how short it is and I don’t want to get extensions

-Jen

Answer:

Man that really sucks. What’s up with the hairdressers these days? First they tell you that you have to go blonde in STAGES or you’ll ruin your hair? To hell with that! Come to my lab and I’ll dunk your head into some 60 VOLUME PEROXIDE and you’ll be platinum blonde in no time! Now they are not even listening to your directions and cutting off precious locks of blonde hair? Yo, this should be a criminal offense, dawg!

Okay, okay, end of rant. No point crying over spilled milk. Luckily for you Jen, you came to the right person because the Doc here has the tried and true SECRET to super fast hair growth! So listen up as I’m going to share the secret with you.

I won’t bore you with science and try to explain Hairology 101 to you, but you know that all hair really is excess protein? So naturally, the secret lies in increasing your protein intake. The more protein you consume, the more excess protein produced to speed up hair growth. So I’ve come up with a my own special diet for super fast hair growth. Make sure to follow it exactly as stated for maximum effectiveness.

Doctor Peroxide’s Miracle Super Fast Hair Growth Diet

Morning

• 8-12 eggs
• 3 sausages
• 2 big slices of ham
• At least 5 pieces of bacon
• Milk

Lunch

• 4 raw eggs
• Cheeseburger with extra cheese
• Tuna Melt
• Beef Jerky
• Protein shake

Dinner

• 2 chicken breasts or an entire chicken
• 8 oz SHTEAK wrapped in bacon
• 1 Shrimp cocktail ring with cottage cheese
• 1 bag of pork rinds

Bedtime Snack

• Protein Shake
• 4 raw eggs
• Chicken leg and skin

So there you have it Jen. Keep that up for about 30 days and it will surely put some hair on your chest head.

Happy dieting everyone,

-Doc P

Got a question for Dr. Peroxide? Use the contact form here.

Related Articles:

• Will My Bleached Blonde Hair Go Green In The Swimming Pool?
• Totally Addicted to Blonde Porn
• Poor and Desperate Blonde with Brown Roots
• Help! My Girlfriend Won't Go Blonde
• How to Have Multiple Blonde Girlfriends